Day thirty five. Friday, February 3rd, 2012, 2:49am:
Photo: Kennan was acting. It was good.
I’m only posting today because I said I would. <3 Today was easy. I worked, it was easy. We’re getting a nice pattern down, and I like it, nothing too difficult anymore. After work, I sat and scrolled my dash, as always. I took a bath, and then headed out to watch Kennan perform. He did very well, and I was very proud of him. After the play, we went to the cast party, and it was a lot less eventful than I thought it was going to be. I mean, like, I was expecting me to be awkward, and be outside of a lot of inside jokes, but I really wasn’t. Everyone was really welcoming and nice. Kennan said they liked me. Which was awesome. After the cast party, we headed home, and then sat and talked in his car for while. We talked about school, and how I’m so confused and have a lack of direction. I was sitting there, and I started to cry, because I’m easily overwhelmed. I was telling him about how I didn’t really want to live anymore. And he said to me… about how I was really important, and how I touched so many people’s lives, and how I shouldn’t kill myself. It was the normal “don’t kill yourself” speech. Then he said, “Be it me, Amelia, a guy you elbowed once at a Moneta concert, Stephie, Tao, we would all miss you so much, and our lives would be changed forever.” I lost my shit at that point. I sat there in his arms, crying. Amelia’s my best friend, he knows her, and knows how important she is to me. Moneta is my favorite band. He’s never heard of them before me, or gone to a show, yet. Stephie is my other best friend, he’s never met or talked to her, only knows her from what I’ve mentioned. Same with Tao. He payed attention to me enough to know what was important to me, and what would snap me back to reality, to know that I should be here. So… I said to him, “Kennan, it’s moments like this that make me want to be with you for the rest of my life, and I can see it happening. It’s so stupid, and so fast, but I can’t help it.” and he said “I can see myself being with you for a long time, and possibly the rest of my life. I love you.” I don’t even know how things like this happen, but it gets me confused, and happy, and a little more grounded, when things like this happen. I’m going to head off to sleep now though, it’s almost 3am. I have a lot to think about while I sleep, at least I’ve gotten some of it off my chest, here.